| A TRIBUTE TO CHUCK NORRIS
1. Chuck Norris can divide by zero
2. Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage
3. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one
4. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
5. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice
6. Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won
7. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
8. If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
9. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
10. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
11. When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."
12. Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is
13. Guantuanamo Bay, Cuba, is the military code-word for "Chuck Norris' basement".
14. Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.
15. Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy
16. Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.
17. There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Chuck Norris.
18. Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
19. Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
20. In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man. |
